The 1st Year of Parenting - 6 Tips To Help Keep You Sane
If you're a parent, you know how tough it can be. It's the greatest gift, but it can be taxing to say the least. Here are some tips to help make that first year a little less challenging. Many of these tips were passed down to us from family and friends.
#1 - Whatever you or your spouse say between the hours of 12am-6am...it doesn't count.
To be honest, this could actually apply to someone with or without kids. When you are THAT tired your mind begins to do weird things. It almost starts to resent you for keeping it awake and then it begins to work against you. Your mouth just starts blurting things out in frustration (or at-least this is the excuse I always use), one short fuse and a snarky comment later, and someone's feelings are hurt. Whether you meant it at the time or not, you most likely wouldn't have said it if you were thinking clearly. Especially, to your spouse that you love. Not going to lie, I had quite a few instances where I would blurt out something hurtful towards Jim and literally the next morning wake up having no clue what I even said. My advice is to forgive and forget. Try your hardest to look past what your spouse is saying in that particular moment and focus in on how they are feeling. Chances are the lack of sleep and the stress is just getting to the both of you. After all, we are human.
#2 - Before you even have this baby, make a pact with your spouse. No matter what, it is and always will be Team Parents VS. Baby.
I know this is probably going to throw some people off, but I still stand by this. I'm not saying you should love your child less than your spouse. That has nothing to do with what I'm saying here. It's just too easy to resent and neglect your spouse amidst the chaos as a new parent. Therefore, it's so important to get back to your roots and recognize why you are at this point in your life in the first place. You as a team decided to have a baby together. You are team #1. When that child is acting up or fussy, remind yourself that your spouse is not to blame. You are in it together and you will get through it together.
In the first few months especially, I would find myself making little digs at Jim for something that was going wrong with Claire. Either she was refusing to breastfeed in the middle of the night or she just wouldn't go back to sleep for whatever reason (literally a crap-shoot at that point). For some reason my response to this frustration was to deflect that anger and blame towards Jim. Shocker! As you can imagine this only made things worse. I can promise you this is never a good idea. You're now making an already challenging situation even more intense. Just take a deep breath (or SCREAM at the top of your lungs when you need to) and then try your hardest to laugh about it. Oh and wine. Lots of wine.
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#3 - Sometimes all you can do is laugh. Try your hardest to make light of frustrating and difficult times.
Pretty sure my sisters gave me this fabulous advice as they are both parents of 2 or more children. Parenting is NOT...I repeat NOT glamorous. From the second you go into the labor your life as a parent is anything but fabulous. At first it's the diapers, the spit up and the milk stained clothes. Oh and we can't forget the poop-up-the-back scenario. If I had a quarter for each time I got poop on my hands from doing the good old "diaper check" I would be one very rich woman. I think I have also lost about 5lbs from just chasing Claire to change her diaper. It's like a fun game for her and not so much for me. Then it's onto the mealtime chaos with food flying in every direction. I legit spend more time on the floor of my kitchen than I do anywhere else in my home. AND she even likes to throw the food at me while I'm on the ground trying to clean it up. I used to just yell or tell her to stop and of course that only prompts her to keep doing it or cry so I decided to take a different route and just laugh. Laugh as loud as I possibly could and of course in doing so this would make her laugh. She still throws food on the floor, but at least we are all laughing about it?
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#5 - Try to get out of the house and continue to do things you did pre-baby as often as possible.
When I first had Claire, getting out of the house could be quite a challenge. I set a goal each day to at least get out and do one thing. Even if that was just going to Target down the street or driving to see a friend for lunch. Often times I would have zero desire to get myself or Claire ready to leave the house, but I never regretted going. Even if it's just a quick little walk around the block, you will feel refreshed and accomplished I promise.
Also, make it a point to confirm a babysitter for specific date nights with each other and/or friends. Put the event on the calendar and stick with it. You might be tired from a long week of work or from chasing your child around all day, but once you get out of the house with friends and other adults you'll be happy you did it. Have a drink, eat some good food that someone else cooked for you and laugh...A LOT. If you can't stomach the idea of paying someone to watch your child? Well...THEN YOU'RE F'd. Haha. Jk. Ask a friend, family member or just grab that random on the street that seems to look legit and ask them to watch your child for a couple hours. Desperate times call for desperate measures! But, like seriously, don't ask a stranger.
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#5 - Maintain your friendships.
This is a VERY important tip. It's going to keep you sane, TRUST. Try your hardest to make the effort (within reason) with those friends who do have children and with those that do not. You're going to need to vent every now and then about parenting and/or motherhood and who better to vent to than your friends with kids. It's also a nice method of reassurance that you are not alone and that you are in this together. On the other end, you can only talk so much about your child's nap schedule, their eating habits and their rancid diapers. Your friends without kids will bring you back to pre-parenting earth and keep you sane. You are less likely to discuss parenting and motherhood with your non-parent friends, so that gives you almost freedom to talk about WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. So, get to chatting!
#6 - Last, but not least - SAY YES TO HELP
Being "Trish" for the week in Cabo :)
It takes a village people! This is one of the best pieces of advice that I can share with any new parent. ACCEPT help. From family, from other parents and from friends. Try to carve out a night or day at least once a month to have someone come and watch your kids. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just a few hours away from the home, without the kid(s). We have been able to do SO much more because of having that access to help and accepting it. Unless you feel someone is unfit to watch your child, then the answer to help should ALWAYS be YES.
To be honest, when we first had Claire, I would get a little weird about accepting help. For starters, I wanted to make sure we could do it on our own. After all, we did have this baby so we should be able to raise the child and care for her. I also didn't want to take advantage of my in-laws' generosity. I did feel that good old mom guilt whenever I would choose to have someone else watch Claire so that I could go do things for myself or go out and have dinner and drinks with friends, BUT I realized I am a much better parent because of it. I got to give "Mom" a break and be "Trish" for the night. I would wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to be the best parent to Claire (even if I had a little wine headache or I was tired from the night before). I had missed her even if it was just for an hour or two!
It's okay to take a break from being a parent from time to time. Realizing this and coming to terms with the fact that you can't do it ALL is key. You can't be ON at all times of the day, week, month and year. This goes for everyone, parents or not. You need to take a step back and reset from time to time. Accepting help is the best way to recharge your battery and allows you to have some "me" time. Screw the guilt, accept the help.
Accepting help from family and friends is one thing, but also realizing you can't be 2 people at once is another. Purchasing products that work for both you and for your child is key. This Boba carrier is super helpful and comfortable for your child!